Today marks 6 months anniversary of my knee surgery. Happy half birthday to my »new knee«. Very soon, in 22 days exactly, it will be a one year since I fell when skiing and injured my knee. Looking back, I must say this is one of the best things that happened to me. Even though I thought otherwise for a long time. I decided to explain the whole story and why here on my blog. This blog is also one of the results of this injury so I think it’s the right thing to do. Since this is a long story, I will do it in a couple of parts.
So, let’s start this journey. Almost one year ago we were skiing in the Italian Dolomites. I love to ski and we were really enjoying skiing there, it is a fantastic ski resort, long and wide ski slopes, not too many people, sunshine and all. Really perfect. I was not in a great physical shape. Ok, but far away from great. Especially far away from the shape I used to be in.
On a second day, after afternoon snack, some of us went skiing further and some decided to stay at rest a bit longer. My legs were already a bit tired but it was such a great day for skiing. It was already a bit icy so I’ve been a bit more careful. At the last hill, I stopped to check where there is less ice on the slope and I decided to go a bit left. While slowly crossing this last hill, out of nowhere, my ends of the skis slipped on some ice and I fell on my back, with the head facing down the hill. My skis hit the hill, turned my right leg around with a weird and loud sound in my right knee.
I knew instantly that my knee is “gone”, that there is something really, really wrong and that I’m done. I was still sliding down the hill on my back in the meantime, so I tried to turn around with my legs down and stop when the pain came in. For a minute or two, I was only able to say au. Au, au, au so many times.
Some nice German guy stopped by and asked if I am ok , but all I could say was Au, au, au. It hurt really bad. After few minutes probably, maybe it was more, I was able to stop saying au and start breathing. I tried to put myself, thoughts and body together as much as I could. My boyfriend already started walking uphill but he was almost at the bottom of the hill already. I managed to stand up by myself. Of course, I couldn’t stand on my right leg but I felt that my left leg is fine. I decided that I will come down this hill by myself on my left leg just sliding slowly down.
You know, strong, independent woman doesn’t need to be saved and all! I could not say much, even when I reached my boyfriend, I only told him:
I fell, my knee.
Then I went down the hill slowly still sliding on my left leg.
At the bottom of the hill, I felt the adrenaline, pain and the swelling of the knee. I had a huge mess in my mind! Even though I knew that my knee is heavily injured, I was still hoping it is nothing, to some extent I also tried to convince myself that this was nothing. But the pain and how I could not even step out of the skis without the help of my boyfriend and walk without ski poles, well this showed me that the injury is real and bad. Everything was happening so quickly, in my mind there were so many things, so many thoughts going around at the same time… but most of all it was: what now? I’m screwed, I’m done, what will I do now? No, no, no this is not happening to me.